Journal entry: a dream

A fragment, really.

My brain is always active through the night, and as is true with most people, most of the dreams are forgotten before I awake. The few bits that are left, however, would make for amazing cinematography if they could be captured or reproduced. There is also the matter of multiple layers of meaning hovering around the images and events in the dream, something nearly impossible to capture in few words. With those observations to serve as disclaimers, here’s what I found myself remembering this morning, as the eggs were in the pan:

I am somewhere, in a large building, perhaps to attend a convention or other large gathering. It’s a hotel, I think. I’m many stories up, a dozen or more at least, and appear to be alone in the room when the shaking starts.  After a few moments, it is clear that the whole building is unstable, and is about to come down.  The room begins to rotate around me, furniture sliding, the ceiling soon to be a wall.  It occurs to me that I may only have a few more seconds to live.  It also comes across my mind that the same may be true of friends and loved ones, elsewhere in the same building.  As those few remaining seconds become fewer, in my ongoing conversation with God (online all the time; kind of like broadband) I express these concerns, along with just a hint of curiosity about what, if anything, lies beyond.  There is no memory of anything after that.

As has been the case with other such things, there is no sense of fear, or panic associated here.  Not exactly detachment, either; somewhere in the mix was a complex of concerns about unfinished business elsewhere, whether anyone would ever know my passwords or even what-all I have passwords to, with attendant mild anxiety about those things.  But personal fear?  Not really.  Disappointment at the idea of not getting to do anything else?  Yeah.

Ok, that’s it.  A dream fragment, nothing more.  A snapshot. One person, dealing with the question of mortality and the fragility of personal existence.


One thought on “Journal entry: a dream

  1. I do not think it is random or accidental that when we contemplate what lies ahead we discover what lies beneath.

    I have waking dreams, often times just before I settle down for bed, but really anytime I allow my mind to be idle. These dreams are little movies of potential scenerios that play out in my mind. I have to purposefully change the story line or could end up in a panic. Capturing and commanding thoughts for Christ is a fulltime job inside this skull. Anyway, I have figured out that my biggest fears about the end are things like yours, i.e. “which one of my dear friends is going to be left having to clean my garage?”. But then there are big ones, too; like “will my daughters have stories to tell their children about their grandmother? what will they say? what legacy have I left them?”. Now, you would think with these fears would prompt me into action with some sense of urgency, right? Like I need to clean out the garage this weekend – no excuses… or I should start writing down my stories for my daughters. Yeah, not so much. LOL. We are silly creatures.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s