Category Archives: Personal

On Continual Prayer


Sometimes people take the injunction to “pray without ceasing” to mean something like, “pray often.” This makes prayer into an activity, something we do, something that is separate from the rest of our lives. And yes, there are times when devoting ourselves to prayer, to the exclusion of all else, is appropriate. But even if you are a monk, there is a rhythm to life that includes eating, sleeping, caring for bodily needs, working, creating, interacting with others, learning, forming opinions, making decisions, resting, relaxing, entertaining or being entertained. What sense does it make to talk about praying without ceasing, if we have to cease praying to do one of these things? As long as prayer is seen as one activity in a list like this, it is impossible. So it has been suggested that prayer is more deeply a matter of being intentionally aware of the presence of God, whatever else may be going on. And this awareness has immense benefits, if we train ourselves in it. It is the secret to a peaceful existence. I said to a friend once, in a discussion about a difficult moment:

God provides a sort of a buffer between ourselves and the world, so we don’t need to calculate anything, but respond always to God, rather than react to what is around us. In this buffer zone is peace, humor, love, quietness, energy and thus we always can act from strength, whatever our weakness is. Even in the admission of weakness or failure, in that way there is still strength and ease of heart.

This requires, of course, the ability to perceive the presence of God in the immediacy of every situation. It is the intentional act of such perceiving that I would here call prayer, and to the capacity for such perception, I would assign the word: faith.

Comments are welcome.

Moving, sort of


To all my readers:  I have recently merged two blogs:  one which has for some years been my main outlet on a wide range of topics, and the other, with my name on it, which started out life as part of a local political campaign.  Some posts may therefore now appear here twice.  To add to the confusion, I am thinking of adding on additional imports, starting with seethekingdom.net (now added), because most of what is there is my own stuff as well. That will still leave the poetry blog at Fearful Symmetry and a few others hanging out there.  Just trying to make my online life a bit less scattered.

The purpose of this in part is to continue my own search for integrity by lifting the veil of anonymity that is so easy for a blogger to hide behind, and put all my major thoughts, including possibly controversial ones, under my own name.  That’s where I’ll do the updates, although knowing me I won’t abandon The Search For Integrity altogether.  I like the wordpress.com interface very well, but the developers at wordpress.org have kept up their end and it is almost as seamless by now (and tends to give me the comfort of owning my own blogspace).

Image

Yes, that’s me…


(ok, actually it isn’t)

Testing the photoblog function in the new wordpress iPhone update. I promise, in future I’ll find more attractive subjects.

Ok, the first try was a photo of me from my phone.  Since that failed, here’s the barn back in the old homestead. I think it’s better to look at.

Status

Trying out a new theme


This new WordPress theme, “Choco” drew me in because it seems simple in design, still with plenty of features that I like, and, oh yeah…. it makes me think of chocolate.  Mmmmm…..

….except I’m fickle, and have now traded in chocolate for licorice….the entire thing for the latest and greatest “Twenty Eleven” “Coraline” theme.

Thinking about politics; a debate with myself


Last November I decided that what I wanted to do was write 500 words a day for a year. I did pretty well the week after Thanksgiving and the first few days of December. Kind of fell off the wagon then until January; made exactly two entries that month, one on the first of February, and here I am heading into mid-April, starting over. Not a good track record so far, and this is a confession. Okay.

One of the things that has occupied my attention during this time is the semi-serious question of whether or not to get into politics. Over the last few years a number of sincere, well-meaning people have tried to talk me into running for elective office. When I have complained about this confidingly to other friends, the response I get is much less on the line of a sympathetic dismissal of the idea, and more often a serious discussion of the pros and cons, emphasis on the pros. I’m near enough to a megalomaniac all by myself, so it doesn’t take much of this sort of thing to get me started. So over the last couple of months I’ve actually given a bit of serious thought as to whether to run, this year, in a primary and, if successful, a general election for public office at the county level.

Problem with this is, I’m a preacher, and one who has been admonished more than once with a repetition of the famous words: “If a man be called to preach, let him not stoop to be a king”. As a preacher of the Gospel, I’ve already got a pretty important job, and as such also quite enough standing in the community to suffice for most people.

Thing is, I’m not most people.

Then there’s the whole separation of church and state thing, and the fact that given the polarized and polarizing state of current political discourse, the whole process of being a public figure in that way might collide rather sharply with the way in which I have become accustomed to being a public figure. And then there’s the liberal/conservative label matrix. I should say a few things about that.

Politically, I’m a liberal, and have registered as a Democrat in every election since 1992. That year I found to my dismay that I could not, registered as an Independent, vote in the presidential primary in the state of New York. In penance for that shortfall, I made the first political donation of my life, to then-candidate Jerry Brown of California. I can’t remember if I sent him $15 or $25. In any case, I’m a political liberal in large measure as a result of being a particular brand of theological conservative. Issues like the dignity and equality of women and men and of all races (ethnoi), the responsibility of government (that meant kings, in the Old Testament; but it means “we the people” in our peculiar system) to care for the poor, the widow, the orphan and the alien, loom large for me in my reading of scripture; as does an unwavering commitment to nonviolence, which it seems to me is inseparable from the most radical teachings of Jesus.

I take my theological conservatism directly from a tradition that is fed by several streams: there is the Lutheran (salvation by faith, sola scriptori), the Wesleyan/Holiness, and the Anabaptist, and to a lesser extent by the wider Evangelical/Fundamentalist tradition (whose heroes are less Luther and Wesley and more Calvin and Zwingli). Mostly though, and in keeping with each of these traditions, I get it from the Bible itself, and my own reading and experiencing of the words, stories, teachings found in it. I’m a Jesus person. I take the words in red very seriously, and try to get others to do so as well.

It was the Anabaptists, by and large, who bequeathed to subsequent generations on both sides of the Atlantic the notion of separation of church and state. No such separation existed in 16th-century Europe, and as a result these folks, who thought that one becomes a Christian by deciding to follow Jesus, and thus joins a church by deciding to associate with others of like mind, were persecuted harshly by Catholics and Protestants alike, who all thought you were a (certain brand of) Christian because you lived in a land governed by a (particular brand of) Christian ruler. The idea that a church is a voluntary association of responsible adults, and not co-extensive with the state, was very much an Anabaptist idea. Because of this idea they baptized adults, most of whom had already been baptized once as infants; hence the name, Anabaptists, or Rebaptizers.  Because this procedure was seen as subversive, unpatriotic, and other nasty things, some of the leaders of this movement were, fittingly enough, executed by drowning. Many others of these folks, to escape such persecution, ultimately came to these shores, and rubbed elbows with Protestants who had come to escape the Catholics, or (as in Maryland) Catholics who came to escape the Protestants. While all of the 13 original states had established churches of one kind or another, the founding fathers were wise enough to remember what had happened in Christian Europe over the issue of whose religion should prevail (hint: 30 years’ war; look it up), and decided that there would be no argument about that issue on the federal level, enshrining in the first amendment a prohibition on establishing an official Federal religion. This idea of non-state-sponsored churches gained official acceptance slowly and erratically, starting with Rhode Island (not Massachusetts) and Pennsylvania (not Maryland or Virginia).

All that said, I also agree with something I have heard more than once from my Congressman, Steny Hoyer: “I believe in the separation of church and state; but I do not believe in separating the values my faith has taught me from the decisions I make in public or private life.” (This may not be a verbatim quote, but I have heard words very much like this from him at least twice this year as he spoke to constituents).

Now my Anabaptist forebears tended to prefer to withdraw from politics into separate societies of their own. Certain of my Holiness forebears, likewise, would warn me not to risk my sanctified soul with such worldly pursuits. As a non-confrontational sort of fellow, I would be departing from my own comfort zone if I were to buck both those traditions and start speaking out on political issues. Trouble is, I do find, in that meddlesome document, the Bible, plenty of examples of prophets and apostles, and, yes, our Lord himself, being quite vocal on the issues of the day.

There are some issues I am interested in. Housing, jobs, responsible budgeting, education, long range planning that balances environmental preservation with the provision of services and infrastructure that meet human needs. I’ve worked on some of these issues already.

It’s not like I don’t have plenty to do. I’m just thinking, that’s all. Just thinking. I’ll let you know.

Addendum, added 5/20/10:

Here’s where I let you know. This internal debate having reached its conclusion, one of me seems to have won by a narrow margin, and the conflicting pundits in my head are drafting their respective columns arguing whether the decision to proceed represents a bold step or a foolish venture.  I’m ignoring them both, for now, while considering that they both may be right.  What actually happened was that I went on a previously scheduled three-day spiritual retreat in mid-May, thinking that by the end of that I’d have gained some clarity; which I did not, if by clarity is meant “now I know what God wants me to do with this.”  I did, however, come away with a calmness and clearness of mind which allowed me to notice that I was equally undisturbed by either prospect.  The curious and surprising fact that the thought of entering the political process at this late date in my life did not scare the willies out of me was just enough of a nudge that it tipped the scale in that direction.  It was my decision, and the consequences to me, my family, my community are my responsibility.  Isn’t that what we are spiritually called to do, grow up, make actual decisions, and become responsible for our own decisions?  So…. I filed.

Robert H. Clark | Marbury Church of God


In Memoriam

Robert H. Clark | Marbury Church of God

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Journal entry: a dream


A fragment, really.

My brain is always active through the night, and as is true with most people, most of the dreams are forgotten before I awake. The few bits that are left, however, would make for amazing cinematography if they could be captured or reproduced. There is also the matter of multiple layers of meaning hovering around the images and events in the dream, something nearly impossible to capture in few words. With those observations to serve as disclaimers, here’s what I found myself remembering this morning, as the eggs were in the pan:

I am somewhere, in a large building, perhaps to attend a convention or other large gathering. It’s a hotel, I think. I’m many stories up, a dozen or more at least, and appear to be alone in the room when the shaking starts.  After a few moments, it is clear that the whole building is unstable, and is about to come down.  The room begins to rotate around me, furniture sliding, the ceiling soon to be a wall.  It occurs to me that I may only have a few more seconds to live.  It also comes across my mind that the same may be true of friends and loved ones, elsewhere in the same building.  As those few remaining seconds become fewer, in my ongoing conversation with God (online all the time; kind of like broadband) I express these concerns, along with just a hint of curiosity about what, if anything, lies beyond.  There is no memory of anything after that.

As has been the case with other such things, there is no sense of fear, or panic associated here.  Not exactly detachment, either; somewhere in the mix was a complex of concerns about unfinished business elsewhere, whether anyone would ever know my passwords or even what-all I have passwords to, with attendant mild anxiety about those things.  But personal fear?  Not really.  Disappointment at the idea of not getting to do anything else?  Yeah.

Ok, that’s it.  A dream fragment, nothing more.  A snapshot. One person, dealing with the question of mortality and the fragility of personal existence.

Not dead yet


Regular readers (assuming for the moment there are any; kind of like assuming there really are unicorns, I know) of this blog will have noticed that my output/production has slowed to a mere trickle or less in recent months.  Not to worry, I have not met with any disasters or any such thing.  It’s just one of those seasons of life where there is more absorbing going on.  I continue to follow current events with keen interest, devote myself to the ongoing task of the interpretation of ancient texts in the context of modern situations, and engage in the daily tasks of visiting the sick, encouraging the downhearted, interfering in local politics, and pretending that I’m several decades younger than the calendar would allow.  So:  an interesting observation, coming right up.

For reasons completely mystifying to me, I find that as an individual human being, I, the writer of this blog, am, on the whole, more happy than not.  This is an astonishing revelation, and it runs counter to the assumptions under which I have operated for a long time.  A colleague recently made this observation to me, though, and I could not easily refute him:  that I come across as one who operates from a center of deep contentment.   I laughed (a deeply contented belly laugh) when I heard that.  It’s true that all the things that I think should worry me (household bills, the state of my own and others’ health, how well various groups and organizations are doing, the economy, the environment, local politics, international politics, whether I can really get something worthwhile accomplished before I die, and on and on) don’t actually worry me as much as some part of me thinks they should — and I’m not even all that worried about this lack of worry.  Something has changed, some corner has been turned within me.

I am content, but I am not satisfied.  I cannot be satisfied while others are hungry, in danger, depressed, discouraged, at risk.  So today, for example, in one hour I will be at a local community center where groups of citizens will come together to try to match  needs and resources with regard to adequate housing.  Later, I’ll be on hand to rejoice with a neighbor’s family as they celebrate a high school graduation.  Tomorrow, I’ll think out loud in the presence of others concerning the vision of Isaiah the prophet, and how in a time of change and turmoil (and what time is not?) he had a glimpse of holiness and renewed and deepened his own sense of his place in unfolding history.  It is to be hoped that this great vision will be renewed in someone at our own moment in unfolding history.  I am content, not satisfied, but hopeful and somehow confident.

Could we be entering the generation where the word of God is no longer twisted to serve the interests of nations and individual peoples, at the expense of others, but in which the truth that “the earth is the Lord’s and the fullness thereof; the world, and they that dwell therein” (Psalm 24:1) is indeed recognized and followed up with “He makes wars to cease to the ends of the earth” (Psalm 46:9)?

The ninteenth century saw the end of the institution of slavery as an accepted part of the normal life of nations, for the first time in the history of the planet.  I am now praying that something comparable will happen in the twenty-first century with regard to the institution of warfare.  There is more biblical foundation for the latter than for the former.

Content, yes, for myself; but for this old world there’s a lot of work to do.  I’ll do it online, on the ground, and in the secret place of prayer.  I am confident that I won’t be the only one.

Observation


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Seen on the wall of a Sunday School classroom

Whaddya Know….


….. one’s past never really leaves one behind.  Seems some work I did with a few friends back in the day has found its own life here on the Inter-Tubes.    And even with a social networking presence, yet.  There you can find some of the very few extant pictures of yours truly with real hair.

This link belongs here on The Search for Integrity particularly because of an early working definition for integrity (developed by me for my own use) as follows:  Integrity is letting all the different parts of your life acknowledge one another.